Protest
by Whispers To Kill
Summary: [Eating Disorder Trigger Warning] Recovery seemed insufferable; beyond battling her mentality, she was now forced to bear physical consequences that were often both spontaneous and dreadful. Despite the brutal protests that tormented her mind, she continued to lay with her distresses and seek the gracious voice of recovery.


**Eating Disorder Trigger Warning  
**

**National Eating Disorders Association: 1-800-93102237**

* * *

With every breath of oxygen that twirled into her body, a throb pounded its fists against her skull. Vertigo surged behind her eyes, gyrating her vision around a wheel of torment; she closed her lids and hoped to find ease in the darkness, yet it did little more than spin her faster. Waves of heat rippled beneath her skin and left her desperately wishing to sweat away the calidity, but her skin remained dry. Nausea bubbled in her stomach like steaming magma and splattered hot droplets against the walls of her body, searing her insides and begging to erupt. She exerted the miniscule amount of energy she had to absorbing deep, relaxing breaths, yet her discomfort refused to be subdued.

Her stomach was overbrimmed with food, and she feared to move; she lay motionlessly and straight, gently resting her form against soft bed sheets in an attempt to feel her fullness at the least degree possible. Her furious stomach taunted her with its nauseous state, shrieking and screeching, "Empty me – purge me! Cure your discomfort, and cure all your woes!" She hiccuped and grimaced as a tiny pool of vomit rose with it. Oh, how she longed to.

Recovery seemed insufferable; beyond battling her mentality, she was now forced to bear physical consequences that were often both spontaneous and dreadful. She was ashamed and disgusted with her behavior; her consumption level had been monstrous throughout the day. Though it had coincided with the meal plan she had been designated, it was the first day she had truly followed the plan in a while, and it had quickly become accompanied by physical and mental misery. Her body and mind screamed stentorian, vile protests, and the disorder caged inside her viciously clawed at the heart that caged it.

She had forced each bite down her throat despite the tears that begged to fall from her eyes, and she had allowed the grody aliment to enter her body despite the way her mind wailed and remonstrated. "You're stupid, you're worthless, you're hideous, and you're fat!" looped through her head like the mantra of an abusive partner. She trembled beneath its sadistic power, wishing to tear the skin from her bones and to attempt to hide from her inescapable monsters beneath the covers.

Terrible urges racked her body, and she attempted to battle the desire to purge. Nausea swelled inside her body and taunted her with a sharp-toothed smirk. The slimy voice of her disorder ceaselessly purred in her ear, "Purge, darling, you'll feel so much better – you'll be so much prettier. You'll be valuable if you listen to me! You need to purge, sweetheart – you _need_ this. You don't want to be worthless, do you?"

Despite the brutal protests that tormented her mind, she continued to lay with her distresses. The agony that afflicted her could not be abated; nonetheless, she sought the gracious voice of recovery, attempting to listen to her reasoning and sympathize with her virtue. "Follow me so that one day you may be strong enough to embark on hunting tips and listen to the wolves howl once again. Follow me so you may enjoy shopping sprees and sweet _Esterházy Torte_ over tea with Emma. Follow me so you may enjoy a future and family with Roderich one day. Follow me so you may love yourself and be happy again, Elizaveta."

This anguish signified a victorious battle against her demons; it signified success, strength, and the life she had abandoned – yet it felt like a failure. She felt worthless, exhausted, and listless, and the monsters inside her lacerated her heart. In spite of this, she persevered; she swallowed her food, and she attempted to listen to the sweet song of recovery despite the ruthless protests burning her heart to dust. Instead, she waited to be reborn from the ashes.


End file.
